Monday, June 22, 2009

Oh, Poor Neglected Blog

Well, just finished watching the train wreck that was Jon and Kate tonight. It's just so sad to see what was once a loving relationship (at least on some level) fall apart. Jon spoke of "being friends" with Kate. Personally, I don't get it. I guess one could be friendly, but friends after an intimate relationship has been destroyed? Not for a long, long time, if ever.

For me, there's a lesson to be learned from their tragic mess. While my personality is not quite so strong as Kate's, I've been known to push and push for something in a relationship, only to find that I've pushed the relationship away. I've lost and nearly lost relationships (friendships now, hubby and I are OK, thank God!) by pushing too hard.

I'll share some advice I gave a young friend recently, since I nearly lost a friend by "standing up for myself." You see, it's not the standing up, but how it's done that makes all the difference.

Here's what I shared with my friend:
"Hi, been trying to formulate a response because I've recently gone through something like this. When I was younger, I often thought I let people walk all over me. As I've gotten older, sometimes I've overcompensated by being overly aggressive in my self-defense. My take on this is first and foremost -- pray for God's wisdom and guidance. Second...pick your battles carefully. And third, if at all possible, stand up for yourself in a way that preserves the relationship with the other person. Heh, if you learn these things now, you won't be 40-something trying to find that right balance. Blessings to you!"
It's not being a doormat to be caring towards the other person with whom you have a conflict, especially if you want to keep the relationship. That's tough for me, since I had been so timid as a child and young adult.

By the way, I'm attending my home church now. Reconciliation is the order of the day. Can't say it's "all better" now, but the process has begun. And that is a Very Good Thing.



1 comment:

Peter P said...

You're back at your home church?

That's AWESOME!!!