Is Jesus My Toxic Boyfriend?

I write reflections for my grandson to give him some food for thought as he explores the Bible. Here is a reprint for the blog. 

Luke 14:25-33 The Message

Figure the Cost

25-27 One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple. Anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can’t be my disciple.

28-30 “Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: ‘He started something he couldn’t finish.’

31-32 “Or can you imagine a king going into battle against another king without first deciding whether it is possible with his ten thousand troops to face the twenty thousand troops of the other? And if he decides he can’t, won’t he send an emissary and work out a truce?

33 “Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple.

___________________________________________________________________________________

At first glance, Jesus appears to be the ultimate toxic boyfriend. Other translations of these verses quote Jesus as saying that potential disciples must "hate" their loved ones and themselves. 

What's up with that? 

Is this the same Jesus who tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves? 

How do we love our neighbors if we are supposed to exile them from our lives?

It's important to understand the context of Jesus' words and how he used language to get his listeners' attention. Sometimes that meant that Jesus used some pretty dramatic words. 

Jesus is warning these "wannabe disciples" that there is a big cost associated with following him. Some people won't understand and might distance themselves. Some of those people could even be loved ones or friends. He uses the examples of house building and combat strategy to illustrate how important it is to plan ahead and calculate what the costs will be. Otherwise, the builder might run over budget and have to stop construction of the house (and face ridicule from the community), and the king could be defeated because he miscalculated how many troops he needed to battle his opponent.

If we look at this reading in the context of Jesus' other teachings and the rest of the Bible, it is clear that he is not telling us to disown our families and friends. It is a paradox that when we put Jesus first, we end up loving those around us more. After all, "God is love," as stated in 1 John 4:8, and the greatest commandment according to Jesus is (Matthew 22:37-40) "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

But to circle back to the passage from Luke’s Gospel, it is important for a mature believer to understand what he or she is getting into. Whenever we take a stand for something, there is a cost. Fortunately for us, when we choose to follow Jesus, the reward of love is so much greater.


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